something special about this day

it's christmas eve morning, and i have to admit that it's difficult for even a saddened soul like mine to not get a bit of a lift from the thought. i've always maintained that there's something about this day and tomorrow that is really, well, magical. i'm sure the indoctrination i received as a child with respect to santa's gift-giving ride across the world has something to do with that perspective (and i will be watching the polar express tonight to attempt to recapture even a hint of that feeling), but i believe it's something more.

i saw it on the face of the sales clerk at panera this morning as he handed me my newly purchased loaf of holiday bread and wished me a merry christmas. i heard it in the voice of a work colleague as he departed the elevator not with the usual, "have a good day" but with a similar enthusiastic well wishing for the happiest of holidays. i felt it as i sent a text to s.r. this morning expressing the same sentiments for this day. it's as if the very air molecules are filled with this desire for peace, joy, and love. and i sense it every year at this time.

now lest you think i've gone soft on you and that some miraculous transformation has taken place in my disposition, i will say my mood is still pretty subdued. but rather than the deeper depression i've been experiencing, i would say the mood is more wistful with the slightest hint of melancholy.

i think of so many christmases past -- many happy, several (particularly those now in later life) not so much. all of them adding depth and meaning to my life experience. i hope to see many more christmases, and i hope the ratio of "happy" to "not so much" shifts far more toward the former.

for this christmas eve day though i will do my best to look forward to and engage in the agenda i have planned for the day -- finish up some things here at the office, pick up some qdoba for lunch (nachos or naked burrito? still to be decided), maybe take a quick nap, launch my christmas movie marathon while enjoying some garrett's carmel crisp popcorn, and open up a few gifts that i purchased for myself (i was very good to myself this year).

i'm sure i will have some sad moments -- maybe even a few tears, but hey, it's christmas eve. and on this day it's really hard not to feel the love. have a good one y'all.