backdated breakup

last week i decided to go on facebook to see what was up in the world of my friends and acquaintances. as i logged on and looked at my news feed, there in the middle of my computer screen was one of those facebook timeline milestone markers. the contents basically announced for all who cared in the facebook community that michael and i had ended our relationship. i had to admit i was a bit surprised to see this declaration at this time given that michael and i had broken up back in november. i thought, since he had not posted anything at that time or until last week, that he didn't want to make a big show of things and just wanted to move along quietly with his life (that was certainly how i felt and did not then nor have i since made any such announcements).

what surprised me even more occurred when i looked at the date marking this auspicious occasion (by the way, facebook cleverly places a cracked heart as the symbolic designation for this event). the month was "october" not "november," and the year was "2008" not "2013" (the day was the 19th in case you're one for specificity as clearly michael and facebook are). puzzled for a second, i looked at the comments section where michael had placed what apparently was a kind of footnote (ever the academic that michael), indicating that "all attempts at reconciliation failed." it was then i realized that he had marked the end of our relationship as the first time we broke up in 2008 and relegated our getting back together in 2010 and 2012 to minor momentary lapses in judgement (i would probably have to agree with him on that one. i also have to admit i find it perverse that michael could remember the precise date of our breakup in 2008 but managed to forget my birthday on more than one occasion during the time we were together. and for the record, i never forgot his).

i have to admit during that time and since i have reflected on what it means to have our breakup backdated to an earlier time particularly with respect to my current emotional state. did this now mean that michael and i had only been together for seven years rather than the twelve we had just been saying a year ago at this time? did this mean that we've now been broken up for going on six years rather than six months as i had been experiencing recently? if so, did this newly extended time frame mean that i should be over him by now? should i be even more depressed and completely give up all hope that life will be better because i've been alone for six years (i'm kind of already at that point even at the six month mark)? it is indeed a conundrum.

while i am not certain on how i should view the backdating, i do believe that the action did contribute to my declining emotional state over the course of the week -- a decline that i have only barely come out of as of this writing (and, if truth be told, i feel myself slipping back into with every keystroke in writing this entry). i wrote to sean last night that i couldn't keep having days like sunday again. unfortunately, i feel i am perilously close to that same kind of experience today.