it's day two of vacation and over the last 48 hours i have had experiences that have given me glimpses of who i used to be when i felt whole, happy and well. i've also had moments in which these waves of sadness sweep over me and the feelings that have been so prevalent over the past several months of being broken, hopeless, and lost come together in full force.
it is more than a bit disorienting to have my emotions swinging between having a sense that maybe light is emerging in my darkened life and being discouraged and utterly convinced that life will never get better. and while there are these swings, i wish i could say they are of equal duration and amplitude. unfortunately, the moments on the positive side are far fewer and have lesser impact than the moments on the negative.
and with that, on the whole, i'm still in a period of struggle and the question becomes are the glimpses a view of my life moving forward or the last gasps of a dying life that i will never have again?
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