walking to the moon

i am not reacting well to a comment that was shared with me yesterday. it was from a friend and basically stated that he felt he had let me down so much that he had gotten used to it. and so naturally i took that bit of information and turned it into a criticism of myself. i'm too demanding. i have unreasonable and unrealistic expectations of people. i shouldn't be so open with my feelings. i cause people to feel bad about themselves as a result. all in all, the problem came down to me and my failing to be able to be whatever it is i'm supposed to be.

i had a late night therapy session with dr.s in which my very raw reaction to the comment was the topic of pretty much the entire hour long session. it was probably the most challenging session we have had to date. his encouragement for me in the days ahead was to try to not be so critical of myself and to try and nurture myself as best i could.

"you know," he said towards the end of our time together, "it's not true that there's something fundamentally flawed with you that makes you unable to  successfully have relationships with people." my response to that point was that while it may not be true, it feels true. and as for caring for myself, the way i feel now, it's like he might as well have asked me to walk to the moon.