i'm guessing it's pretty clear that last night was not a good night for me. more time to think and reflect on the state of my life is not a good thing when recent events are viewed through the lens of depression. my statement about being "closed for business" referred to the state of my heart and the fact that i don't feel capable of being open and engaged in relationships of any kind.
and so with a few rare exceptions, i imagine that i will be living a quiet and closed off existence to people in the world around me for quite some time to come. i will interact when engaged, but i just can't keep hoping and believing in things that no longer feel as if they are true or possible.
i imagine no one will really care that much. people will move on with their lives and maybe on occasion wonder what happened to that strange guy they met in a chat room long ago. it feels as if that's happening already. and it's probably all for the best. i can't exactly say that i feel i have much to offer anyway.
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