the title of this entry is a description of the dynamic that is my life right now. i'm back to the place where i start each day wondering how am i ever going to be able to muster the strength and level of engagement required to do what i have to do. i throw myself out of bed, push myself to the office, wolf down some breakfast and take my meds, stitch up lingering emotional wounds, and hop on the roller coast that is my (work) day.
at the end of the day, i gather my things together, i head down to my car in the parking garage, feeling those stitches beginning to pop all the way down into the elevator. i pull myself into the car for the brief drive home. i pull in my garage, drag myself up the stairs, change clothes, lug my laptop downstairs, turn on the tv, and fall on the couch. i might make dinner, i might not. i sit and i stare and i weep a bit as the last of the stitches come loose and the wounds bleed fresh again.
i wonder how long before the stitches don't hold at all and i just walk around emotionally bleeding openly and continuously? at times it feels like i don't have long and healing doesn't seem like even the remotest of possibilities.
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