yesterday was a rough day. my therapy session was even more difficult to get through than i imagined it would be. so much so that i ended up crying on the drive all the way to my office. i somehow pulled it together for work and then came apart at the seams after being home for a few hours. a tear-filled retirement to bed at far too late an hour and the day was done.
today i am in much of the same emotional state as i have been for the past several days. the only difference is that my energy level is so low that i don't feel that i have the strength to engage the pain i've been feeling in any active way. rather than reflecting and pondering each thought, attempting to process what i'm feeling so that i try my best to reject the doubts and not to believe all the negative things i feel about myself, the thoughts just pour over my soul and there is nothing within me to resist what they tell me. and with that they just drag my mood down even further.
and now i am ten minutes away from a day of back to back meetings that run pretty much until five. i imagine that i will somehow manage to get through this day. and when i go home i will sit and stare at my computer or at the tv or at the wall. i will likely cry some more. i may have some online conversations but i know that i am done talking about how i am doing or whether or not life will get better. it's not really as if i believe that anyone cares anyway.
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