this past friday i had an experience that was intense and sweet and over much too soon. i've thought about those moments all through this weekend and i would have to say the biggest struggle that i am having is when or even if such moments will happen again. it feels almost cruel to experience something so nice, a hint of something that you know you've desperately needed, and yet to have no sense or confidence whether you will ever see this person or have those kind of moments again.
i had a similar though more limited experience about a year ago. at the time, i believed that it would not be the last. still, as the days following turned into weeks and into months and now into almost a year, my belief has waned, and i have had to accept that that moment is past and may not come again. and so it is with what occurred two scant days ago.
i think accepting what may never be again is difficult enough. the questioning of whether my life will only be these kinds of solitary, isolated moments is what has truly made my heart very heavy this day.
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