i am not feeling at all good about myself today. i continue to be haunted by my actions and the virtual conversations of yesterday. i certainly did not put my best self forward and i'm beginning to wonder if there is such a thing left in this broken mess that i am.
the events of yesterday have left me more confused than ever in how to conduct myself in this particular friendship. i've behaved so unfortunately that i'm now scared to reach out and say anything out of fear that i will just muck everything up.
i'd forgotten what a walking disaster i can be in terms of relationships with men. you would think my failure to sustain a marriage to one would be ample enough evidence, but certainly my conduct over the past year and yesterday in particular has added more proof to that perspective.
it's a shame really because i continue to really like this guy.
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