you wake up and you feel like such an emotional wreck that you think that you should stay home from work (but then again that's every day), but you decide to be strong and go in anyway. you get there and the level you normally park on in the garage is full, and as you leave, you inexplicably find yourself hitting a yellow pylon dead on. the pylon emerges unscathed, but you look at the front end of your expensive import luxury car and there's this nice dent and yellow scraping on the previously pristine black paint.
you park somewhere else, get out, walk three steps and realize work is not going to happen. you get back in your car and drive home.
you get home, put your stuff down and start tearing up. you text your friend about what happens -- a friend with whom you have this somewhat complicated relationship, have not been in the amount of contact you would like to be with him at this time (well, or ever in the history of the relationship) and are currently struggling to understand what exactly you're supposed to expect and rely on from him. you hit send and then it hits you that what you want is comfort and you're not even sure if this is the person who you should even look to for that and then the hit goes even deeper when you recognize all you want is a hug and you literally have no one to provide it for you. you cry some more.
you contact the insurance company. you contact your service dealer about repairs. you sit around waiting for return phone calls. you stare at the walls a lot.
you go online to chat. you feel more and more alone.
you type this blog entry. you wonder if life is ever going to get any better. you wonder if anyone will ever find you so lost and alone. your heart answers you back "no" and "no."
you wish you could just disappear.
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