[note: if you haven't read the previous entry, you need to go ahead and do so or this won't make much sense.]
so i am awake after an evening of unexpected events. i'm getting ready to head south for my memorial day visit with friends, but i did want to capture my thoughts upon awakening this morn. of course, there is the disappointment. i'm not sure what's going to happen with this evening's phone call, but i'm pretty sure the trajectory of where this relationship was heading has changed. we may be able to salvage a good friendship from this, but it would be difficult for me to imagine much more. the chief reason is that i sense that my friend is harboring a lot of anger, and as i will share with him tonight, i've learned from my relationship with my ex that i don't do anger well, particularly when it comes seemingly out of nowhere. he has some issues that he needs to resolve and, clearly, so do i.
my chief concern is how do i not let my fatalistic side that emerges after something like this happens take over? how do i prevent myself from taking up the perspective that the love i desire is never going to be a part of my life? it's hard to keep the faith in the face of what can seem like mounting evidence.
still, as disappointing as this all may be, i am grateful that it happened. it woke me up to the reality of the situation from whatever revelry i had fallen into. life is not a fairy tale, even if you happen to be one.
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