resetting the narrative

i got an email from my ex yesterday. it was just about some routine financial stuff so nothing profound except he started the email stating that he hoped i was well and that he was doing very well. now for michael to say he's doing very well is a little jarring as, in even the best of circumstances, he tends to live in a perpetual state of melancholy. my suspicion is that he's met someone. now that should not come as a surprise in that after our first break-up, i believe he had a profile up on a gay dating site within a week.

well, i have to confess that i let my curiosity get the better of me, and i went on his facebook page to investigate. now while i found some evidence that my suspicions are correct, i also discovered something that was frankly a little bothersome. in a comment on his page he was clearly establishing a narrative that indicated he was the wronged party in our break up. later on in his comments, he was sharing how his life is so much better now that he's single again.

so why is that bothersome? well, the immediate answer would be that no one likes to see themselves commented on in a way that casts you in the part of either heartbreaker or shrew. however, the deeper and more significant answer is that it made me recognize, yet again, how naive i am. i get one email from michael saying that he takes responsibility for what led to our breakup. i get another that says he still loves me. and i believed him. meanwhile, he's painting a completely different picture for friends, acquaintances and actually even the random stranger who happens to stumble on his page. and i guess i need to just accept that that's life.

and while when i began this entry a little bothered by what i read and wondering if going on his facebook page was a mistake, i think i'm ending it grateful for having taken a look and what i found. first of all, if believing that people, particularly someone i once loved, are being honest with me makes me naive, then i guess i am and i'll own that. second, knowing what i know now makes me even more convinced that our relationship ending is truly a good thing and that i can move forward into my own future guilt-free and certainly with no worries about how michael is doing. still, i think that will be my last time wandering over to that corner of the facebook universe.