logistics

[note: a little warning before you read any further. the musings in this blog entry will be sexual in focus, so if you either are squeamish about the whole topic or are a friend and would prefer not to know my particular thoughts on this subject, then you should probably read no further and wait until the next entry. and for those of you who saw "sexual in nature" and were intrigued, well then, likely, you're not reading this message any more and have already jumped to the main text, so i should just end this note here.]

so in the course of every adult relationship, even a fledgling one that is being conducted long distance, the topic of sex will eventually arise. this is particularly true of a relationship between two men. often, as was the case for me last night, this topic is broached with the simple question, "so what are you into?".

now, admittedly, i have no experience with heterosexual relationships and very limited experience with gay ones, but i feel fairly confident in my belief that the workings of a gay sexual relationship are a little more complex than those of a straight one. with straight relationships, the roles are, for the most part, fairly well defined. in gay ones there is a certain amount of figuring out and sometimes even negotiating that needs to take place.

there was a time when gay men would pick one role (call it top or bottom, active or passive, pitcher or catcher, etc.) and just settle into that for the rest of their sexual life. but nowadays that perspective is increasingly considered passe, and, even if you have a preference for one, there is some expectation that you will be "versatile" at times switching roles with your partner (perhaps even in the same physical encounter. for the uninitiated we in the community refer to that practice as "flip-flopping").

so with my own specific situation, i have always considered myself to be what is referred to as a "versatile top." now, in all honesty, this was almost more out of necessity than any given preference, evidenced by the fact that i can count the number of times i got to assume the other position within my eight plus year relationship on one hand with fingers left over. still, i wasn't complaining. now, as i had pretty much suspected over these past several nights of getting to know this person i'm getting to know (and yes, if you haven't picked up on it from the previous entries, let me now officially confirm that i've met someone new who i like and he likes me and we're seeing where that leads), if our relationship progresses to where we both have shared we hope it progresses, i am going to have to develop a new set of skills, if you will, and get ready to go from "versatile top" to what i'm assuming will be at best "versatile bottom."

so how does that make me feel? well again, i'm certainly not complaining because this guy is so getting into my head and heart that i'd likely stand on my head while juggling to be with him. plus i've had a certain hankering to flip over, so this all fits nicely (no pun intended). in fact the more immediate concern is just getting in the same physical space with each other, but we're working on that as well. more to come at a later date (wow, this message is filled with all kinds of unintentional double entendres).