it doesn't seem to take much

this weekend i'm seeing that it doesn't seem to take much to tip me over into a descent into doubt and depression (or in my case further down that hole). some time of quiet, a thought or two about what a comment may have really meant here, a recollection of a past event there are all the ingredients necessary to lead me to pain-filled questions and conclusions about life in general and my life in particular -- ingredients that seem to be in abundant supply these days.

as thought provoking as that revelation may be, i've been confronted with an even more interesting postulation. if it doesn't seem to take much to perpetuate the emotional struggle i'm experiencing, what and how much will it take to reverse this pattern? if life will get better, as several folks keep telling me, then what are the ingredients and in what amount will they have to appear to facilitate the "better" manifesting in my life?

is this situation an example of the principle of inertia, i.e., a body at rest tends to stay at rest and a body in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force? interestingly enough, another definition or perspective on inertia is that it is the tendency of an object to resist a change in state and/or direction (in this case the state of motion). is my depressed state moving on such a definitive course and at such intense velocity that only an extraordinary intervention will be able to alter these conditions?

at the same time, i continue to wonder why the "ingredients" of despair seem to be in such ready supply and those that may be able to reverse the circumstances seem so scarce if not non-existent. i think it's the paucity of such aid that has me feeling that god, the universe, or whatever seem so cold and uncaring. my dreams, hopes, and desires seem to matter very little, and it's such a recognition that makes me question what exactly is the point of my life (another question that i've pondered over several entries on this blog site).

and so, i guess, based on this last line of thought, the most significant issue at hand is not so much about what will it take for me to move from sadness to happiness from despair to optimism but rather will what it takes ever appear and does anyone care? do i anymore? i'm just not sure about any of it to be honest. not sure at all.