like a collapsing star

a scientific phenomenon that has long fascinated me is that of the black hole. as many of you likely already know, the theory of how black holes are formed is that they are the result of stars collapsing in upon themselves. as a result they create what appear to be holes in space that have such intense gravitational forces that not even light can escape from them. it is even possible that they can grow in intensity by consuming stars and other matter around them. it is believed that the black hole marks the end of the life cycle of the star, literally it is a phenomenon caused by the death of that star.

likely because of my fascination, i've drawn on the concept of the black hole before as a metaphor for my emotional state at different times in my life. today is another one of those times. yesterday, i wrote a blog entry about examining my heart. last night, i had another difficult time of of emotional distress, reflecting on all that did not seem right about my life. this morning i awoke feeling as if my heart was collapsing in upon itself.

i fear the pain and distress are becoming too much for me to endure. and i have grown very weary of fighting the voices of doubt and despair. very weary.

when i think of the fact that stars, which generate such a vast amount of light and heat, at some point become an inverted version of themselves - where there was intense light there is now the deepest darkness, where there was scorching heat there is bitter coldness - i wonder what is it that triggers that metamorphosis. as stated before, scientists believe that it is the death of that star. but to me that just explains what happens. the real question is what is the cause?

based on my own experience, i would say it's a lack of love.