a little off this a.m.

i'm having one of those mornings where it feels like things just seem to be a little off. i suspect it started last night as i was packing things. after about an hour or so of work i decide i've had enough and just really can't push myself to do any more. i then take a shower, climb into bed and open my computer. there's an instant message from sean. i respond back. minutes go by, no reciprocal response. he's offline.

over the next couple of hours, i do some web surfing, read a magazine. i leave another message. no response. still offline. since i had gone to bed late the night before and was a little sleep deprived, i decide to call it an early night and go to sleep.

i have this weird dream and hear this ringing sound and a voice saying "you need to answer that." i ignore it for a bit and then hear the same voice say more insistently, "no you really need to answer that." i wake up at with a start. it's like 2 a.m. it's dead silent. i wonder what the noise was. the phone? no. the doorbell? not likely. an alarm? i don't smell smoke and if it were carbon monoxide i'd be dead already. besides it's quiet as a church mouse right now. i try to go back to sleep but wake up every 30-45 minutes.

i finally decide to get up. it's about 4:50 a.m. right before my usual wake up time of 5. i open the computer. there's an i.m. from sean time stamped probably about 30 minutes after i had gone to bed. he had run out to do some errands. i do an "arrgh" in frustration. i surf the web a bit. get out of bed and get ready.

while i'm brushing my teeth, i realize that today i have a meeting with an underperforming employee that i feel like i'm on a slow march to firing. during said meeting, i plan to discuss the latest issue with his work and will try to get him to assess for me how well he feels he is doing. i will then share how well i think he is doing. in summary, my assessment will be "not well." what's frustrating is that he is a nice guy who is in the wrong job for his skills. unfortunately, we don't really have a right job for him. what's even more frustrating is there are other individuals in our function that are even poorer performers than he is, who likely should already be gone. the rub here is they don't work for me, so all i can do is point out their deficiencies to my colleagues with hope that they will be motivated to act. time for another "arrgh."

i head downstairs to pack my breakfast and get to work. on the way down i look out the window. it's snowing and clearly has been for several hours. and not even the pretty kind of powdery snow we usually get. it's the wet, heavy, messy kind of snow. great.

as i'm packing breakfast, i grab a box of cereal and promptly drop it on the floor spilling half it's contents. really great. i clean that up, make coffee and finish packing breakfast. i pull my work iphone out of my pocket to check my schedule. i see i have it's a fairly light day and my meeting with the underperformer is early afternoon and is my last appointment for the day. "maybe i'll leave early," i think. i put on snow gear (heavy coat, boots, hat, gloves) grab my car keys and head out the door.

as i'm pulling out into the slushy mess, i glance at my wrist. no watch. son of a bitch. i'll just do without it. i don't have many meetings and i can always use my cell phone if need be for the time.

i get to work. trudge through the snow past the guys who are just starting to shovel the walk in front of our building. i get upstairs to my office, take off my coat, feel in my pocket for my work iphone. it's not there. i have my personal cell but not my work phone. i check my coat. not there. where is it? i then think, "remember when you checked to see what your schedule was today and then put it down on the kitchen counter so you could put on your snow gear ...?" mother f**ker.

so that's my morning. how's yours going? (needless to add, i am definitely planning on leaving early today).