still a little off

as can be gathered from the title of this blog entry, today is following a similar pattern to yesterday. while there have been no dropped cereal boxes or forgotten watches or cell phones (instead i spilled coffee and forgot to pack my protein bars), i find myself to be in the same out of sorts space as i was this time yesterday. while at that time my mood was slightly annoyed, today i feel even more so and actually, truth be told, downright pissy. i don't really want to be in the office today and i definitely don't feel like interacting with people. but be here and meet with people i must (at least for a few hours) even though i'm not really sure there is a space on the planet i really want to be right now.

i'm not going to try to trace this feeling to a specific cause as i'm not sure that there really is one (though it is probably helpful to know that i only got about three and a half hours of sleep last night). i do wonder though if this is just my emotional state of general dissatisfaction with my life taking on a new manifestation. rather than being deeply depressed i'm now pissed off. perhaps, as has been observed with other individuals who have had a significant loss in their lives, i am moving through the various stages of grief and will continue to do so until i reach a place of acceptance.

until that time arises, it looks like, to paraphrase a very famous line from a favorite move of mine, i'm going to need to fasten my seatbelts because it seems like it's going to be a bumpy ride.