there is a special kind of pain that comes from the experience of deeply caring for someone and feeling that it is neither appreciated or reciprocated. as shared in a few entries of late, this is the experience i find myself in now.
as a result, i have been doubting that attempting any degree of dedicated engagement in a relationship makes any difference in the quality of the experience or its long-term sustainability. i guess another way of expressing this perspective is i continue to be haunted by the thought that it never seems to matter what i do, how hard i try to give the best of myself in a relationship, the relationship seems to be inevitably doomed to failure
i do not know how to ease the heaviness of my heart. i pray that someway, somehow through whatever means, known or unknown to me, the weight will be lifted; and i will feel free to give myself fully and freely to relationships again.
i heard the song i'm posting in my ride to the airport this morning for my return trip home. though it really doesn't describe my specific situation, it certainly conveys the spirit of this special kind of pain.
diary - bread
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