i'm one of those kinds of people that does his very best to make sure i'm correct with every statement i make, every perspective i share, every belief i hold. this can manifest itself in my going to wikipedia to check the dates of a historical event before commenting on it or checking a word on dictionary.com before using it in a conversation or even, say, typing it in a blog entry.
even with this idiosyncrasy, there are actually times when i hope that i am wrong. yesterday i detailed how i was pretty sure that i was in the midst of a phenomenon that has happened a few times in my life, sharing the most painful of those experiences.
now with the friendship i spoke to in that entry, i still can't help but think that maybe, just maybe my relationship status sensors are off kilter, even just a bit. as with each passing day my belief deepens that the connection we have is disintegrating, i contemplate that maybe this dynamic of distance is something that occurs periodically in my friend's life, and with this being a fairly new relationship, this is the first time i'm experiencing it with him.
maybe he still does feel that our friendship is something he desires to continue to have as a part of his life. maybe any day now i will get a text or an im with a "hello, hope you're doing well. sorry i haven't been around" followed by an explanation (no matter how brief) of what's been happening. maybe that explanation will allay my fears and doubts about the security and long-term prospects of our friendship, if not for once and for all, at least for the immediate future.
maybe i'm just lying to myself about all of these other "maybes" and the silent days will continue and the pain will consume my heart indefinitely. maybe, but i certainly hope that i am wrong.
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