i think i'm in that place where the pain of my current situation has become more than i can continue to contemplate. i know this to be true because i'm at the point where every time i think about a painful experience my heart literally becomes so heavy and hurts so much that it feels as if either my chest will rip open at any moment or my insides will come pouring out of my tear ducts in a great rush.
i had plans for writing some additional blog entries about how i am feeling about this particular friendship or at least the difficult emotional state that has emerged from its seeming dissolution, the outlines of which sit on a scrap of paper at my side. well, sharing those thoughts no longer holds any interest for me. it feels like a fruitless exercise at this point, seeing as all it really does is cause me to reside in the hurt longer with no real escape from it.
all this being stated, i think it's time for me to step away from this blog for awhile and wait to come back when the focus of my entries won't be about sean's sudden departure. i need to see if i can find at least some reasonable approximation of healing in the near term before attempting to express myself again in this space.
i'm not sure how one fully recovers from the experience of someone walking out of your life with not even a backward glance (it's happened to me on two other occasions and the wounds from those experiences still linger very deep in my soul). even with all the pain that came from my relationship with michael, i haven't done that to him.
i guess that's just the way the world is or at least my world. i'm still not sure what i've done to have these kind of relationship experiences continue to recur in my life. in this particular situation (just like the other two significant ones), it doesn't look like i will ever know.
No comments:
Post a Comment