yesterday, i was reading a review of the new janet jackson album (did i mention that i love it?), and the following quote struck me as a clear reflection of how i've been feeling of late:
the highlight “after you fall” isn’t much more than a minimal piano and a hushed vocal that proves how big a small voice can be. in that song and “the great forever,” which starts with trip-hoppish electronics, jackson considers how cruelly the world treats people who are kind and idealistic.
as has been evident from the last several entries (and many others dispersed throughout this site), i'm struggling with what i've done wrong to deserve the experience i'm having now. i try my best to be kind, to be giving, to be caring. yes, i have had major struggles with depression and insecurities, but does that mean i don't deserve to have meaningful relationships, that what i do deserve is to be alone and unloved?
i continue to be lost about what is going on with my life. i still hope for something really good to happen. it feels like i'm hoping in vain.
here's one of the songs that is referenced in the quote above. it's one that wrecks me every time i hear it because for me, in my life right now, the answer to the question that's posed is always, "i really don't know."
after you fall - janet jackson
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