that last entry pretty much blew a hole threw my heart and the pain just keeps gushing out. i took an ambien earlier than usual just so i could knock myself out. unfortunately, that's resulted in my waking up in the middle of the night and i can't seem to get back to sleep. the thoughts that keep running through my head certainly are not helping.
i have a doctor's appointment later today which i'm not looking forward to and then have a haircut (ditto). i just want to stay in bed all weekend, pull the covers over my head and shut out the world.
and why is it whenever i reach out with my feelings and i just want some acknowledgement that i'm heard and the person cares, that is never the response i get? never. just silence. there are moments when my life seems fucked up beyond all repair.
marin mazzie - back to before (ragtime) July 4, 1998
ii was reminded of this performance tonight and wanted to share it here as a tribute to a phenomenal talent who left us way too soon.
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