words i did write

i'm not really sure what to say
or maybe it's more i'm not sure how to word this
it's just with every encounter it feels that i really don't fit in your life
i've really wanted to but i just don't
i'm not sure where or if i fit anywhere anymore
i was just re-reading my blog entry from last night and the same emotions are here again
i've just been so wrong about so many things it seems
i had hoped we would be friends
but as with so many things these days my hope is in short supply
and i feel foolish for hoping
and trusting
and believing that maybe at least one good thing could happen for me
i didn't think it was asking for much but i guess i was wrong
you know how there's this lyric in the song tapes
i am too exhausting to be loved, a volatile chemical best to be quarantined and cut off
that's how i feel you, everyone must feel about me
and i think about you seeing this and thinking that you really don't need this particularly when you've got whatever is going on with your friend
i just don't understand what it is i'm supposed to want from life anymore
but clearly a friendship with you is not one of those things
goodbye s