very, very scared

last night i had a pretty bad emotional meltdown and unfortunately i'm not doing any better today. what sparked it was coming to the realization that the holidays are ahead and feeling that i could not make it through another holiday season like the one i barely made it through last year. every time i start to think about that possibility, i have this extreme panicked feeling and i'm pushed to the brink of tears (and often over -- like now). i just don't know what i'm going to do. i just don't. and i'm very, very scared.